When I was a child, I found myself constantly having to prove I was good enough. Good enough to be kept, and I am sure every child who grew up in a home without biological parents can relate. Now in my adult years, as I sit and reflect, I’ve allowed myself to build relationships where I must prove I am good enough. Subconsciously gravitating to what’s familiar, and not even notice the pattern until we are in the thick of it.

When we are children, we are asked, “what’s wrong?” or “How are you feeling?” When something has happened to us. Rarely having emotional check-ins, because everything is assumed to be ok…simply because nothing worth being emotional towards has happened.

Today I don’t have anything philosophical or deep analogy to help deliver this blog. Just telling you the raw in hopes that you grasp it, understand the seriousness, and do with it what you will. Let this be life changing.

Nothing has to happen in order for your feelings to be valid, nor do you have to do something to someone in order for their feelings to be valid. Let me explain, we’ve all had a time where we were accused of something false, did all this crying and yelling to prove we didn’t do whatever it was, only to find out someone’s emotions were the root of the issue. Creating their own scenarios or what they feel must have happened, because we are taught something bad had to of happened, since we have a bad feeling.

The same is true in reverse, have you had a feeling, then assumed the worst. Feeling like without a doubt this is what must have happened. Because, why else would you feel this way. Then you go to the parties involved, accusing them, because you just know! Only to be wrong.

I am here to tell you that is not intuition, that is the inability to voice your emotions without probable cause. And that is not only unhealthy, but a toxic environment. And since this is a journey of healthy love and light, here are some life changing behaviors.

First, you don’t need to prove you are good enough, yet you do need to show you are a safe space.  I find myself doing so much to be seen and deemed worth it, that I forget those who know me, love me, and flow to me, saw that in me in the first place. Second, when nothing has happened share your emotions (with yourself or loved ones). If you are feeling a bad emotion, express it… don’t assume something bad has happened or is about to, a constant state of a negative mind, only results in negative things. Release it. When you are feeling a good emotion express it, share it, let that be what you speak. Your emotions are valid without anything happening to give you reason for them.

Lastly, give people the space to do the same. Listen, be present, and validate. Do not ask someone why they are feeling that way, but how can you help or remove those emotions. Ask yourself how you are feeling and give an honest answer, and be willing to accept it.

You exist before events happen. You exist just in your very being, your mind firing off thousands of synapsis every second, consciousness is a result of the brain, and feelings are the effect.

-R.L. Brewer