Today I write from a place of sadness and fear. One of my biggest triggers is uncertainty…I know you’re like life is full of uncertainty.  I should recite philosophical quotes like “the only constant in life is change”. Not that type of uncertainty, the type you cause yourself, the type you allow to creep in and create scenarios around destruction unsure of which one is most likely to play out. The kind of fear that comes with disappointment, self-doubt, and letting yourself down. The kind that sits in your chest, aches your soul, and keeps tears welled up in your eyes as you force yourself through the day. Praying for a moment to be left alone to let a tear fall accompanied by a small gasp without anyone noticing. The type of sadness that is no one’s fault but your own… it hits different. Because there is no one else to blame as the knots sit in your stomach even in an attempt to make sense of everything.

No matter how healed, how loving, and how much effort, there will be times when you are disappointed in you. It could be a bad choice, unsureness, a rocky relationship, a missed opportunity…and the list continues. There is no remedy for this, and I’d be misleading and selling you pipe dreams if I said it goes away as we continue through this journey of healthy love and healing. When in fact it will be quite the opposite.

There will be days where you question yourself as you begin to hold you to a higher standard. As you become one with your soul you become less tolerable with your own mistakes, holding yourself to a higher regard, and feeling it in your very core when you let you down. And all I can say is let it happen.

As I type and wipe away my own tears of disappointment, doubting myself and judgment I have but one piece of advice. Treat your soul as a separate entity, allowing you to cater to it with the same care you would with anything thing else. Let your soul be your most childlike part and console it like you would a crying infant. We don’t tell infants “that’s what you get”, or “I told you so”…we console them even though we are unsure what’s wrong, calmly and quickly trying to find a remedy to stop the tears. Remember your body ages while your soul is timeless. Wouldn’t it be unfair to hold something so divine to the limitations of age and time from the earthly realm?

Your soul lives within your being, be gentle with you. Be careful with your essence.

-Brewer?