I woke up this morning full of emotion. Overjoyed that the semester is over, I am in a loving relationship, I have great friends, my platform is touching more lives, and the list goes on. And then I felt this incredible wave of sadness, similar to the weight of guilt.

I took a minute to breathe and go through my mental checklist of what could be wrong. Do I feel guilty I am this happy? Do I feel I am worthy of my joy? Then like a ton of bricks, my eyes swelled with tears as it hit me… I am upset it took me so long to get here…

As the tears fall and I reflect on the things I am so grateful for, I can’t help but reminisce on all the things I put my soul through. All the times I sat in bitterness, felt like I wasn’t enough, self-sabotaged, or allowed myself to be treated like I knew I didn’t deserve. Hoping and praying one day, If I stayed long enough, if I did more, if I looked better, if I changed my hair, things would finally turn in my favor. Never to rest in my past or to diminish my present, but when your soul truly finds joy, it’s almost as if it will let you know to never leave this place again.

I am not talking about the circumstances we can’t help, broken homes, childhood trauma and abuse (we will save that for another day). I am only referring to the things you endured in the flesh, that your soul had to pay the price for. We often sit in places too long to save face, we don’t want to look silly for our choices, and most of all we live in the “what if”. Loudly I yell, TIME IS NOT A MEASUREMENT FOR EMOTION”.

 You sitting where you do not deserve, will only prolong you getting to the joy you deserve. You sitting where you do not deserve, will only make your happiness harder to accept. You sitting where you do not deserve, will only keep your soul aching and your intuition off. If any of these made you think of a specific scenario or person, that is your soul trying to tell you this is where it doesn’t belong. As time takes your flesh, your soul is all that’s left. So, live for it.

Although I am crying in the flesh, my soul is cleansing, shedding everything I put it through and letting me know I finally found home.

Be brave.

-Meet me here.