I recently went through a very rough time in my relationship. And one thing about divine timing, it’s always right. Today I had a session with an amazing couple. Married 15 “glorious” years, as they put it. So, if you are in a committed relationship, seeking one, preparing for marriage, or are married…this is specifically for you.

“What brought you to the safe space today”, I asked after giving my usual opening statements.

The couple looked at each other and giggled. They had no specific hardship or reason for “needing” a session. They both wanted to give one another a space to talk. Even after 15 years the importance of having a safe space to express was still on the top of their list. I thought to myself, well their communication at home as to be spectacular, I can feel their love for one another through my computer screen. I immediately became intimidated, because how do I “help” when there is no help needed. And then it clicked, proactive not reactive. In relationships we tend to assume that because so much time has passed our partner can express freely. When in reality, as we learn to navigate familiar space, some things can naturally go left unsaid.

I was curious, for my own recent mistakes and wanting to marry my partner, I asked, “How was life before marriage, and the first 3-5 years after”.

This is where the Mrs. took over. She laughed and said as soon as he proposed and she said yes, it took her two weeks to regret it. And in unison they laughed and agreed. She explained that everything that could go wrong, seem to go wrong as soon as they decided on a lifelong commitment. Almost as if it was a test to see if they would make it. In awe, and with some odd comfort, I was curious so I  asked them to tell me more. She explained that when one thing went wrong, their relationship seemed to only focus on what was wrong. Which is natural during most life changing events. He took over and explained how they almost called off the engagement because they argued so much. After a month or two they sat down and reminisced on how they got there in the first place. Why did they want to get married, “the devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy”, she said, “and we didn’t let him”.

At this point I had to turn off my camera. I am sure their session was more for me than them. As I came quite close to losing the very person, I am to spend eternity with. After a few more questions about intimate matters, some role-playing activities, and them sneaking in a few lovely kisses. Our session was ending. Surprising enough I gave them homework.

Their homework is as follows; plan an unimaginable date for the other. Don’t go to your favorite spot, don’t think of something sentimental that you did 10 years ago to the day, nor something you heard the other one say they wanted to do. Literally be unimaginable. Think so outside the box, that they hesitate to even consider it. The goal is to excite them in the thinking, while anticipating the doing. Reigniting that adventure, they decided to embark on together 15 years ago. Lastly, I encouraged them to incorporate meditation sessions together. I am often surprised how many couples don’t do this. You sit either face to face or back-to-back, you say affirmations repeating after each other, but the trick is to say affirmations for your partner and vice versa. It not only reassures your bond and goals, but in such an intimate state you are speaking life and love over them, their goals, and refilling their cup…while they do the same for you.

If you are in a rough patch in your relationship and you know without a doubt that is your person, if you are only a few months in and loving the dynamic, if you are married or engaged, if you are completely happy, if you need to fall in love with you…take this homework with you.

I’ll say it time and time again, happy, and healthy is a journey. Find your person worth taking the adventure with.

-Changed Behavior