We have been on this journey of happy healthy for a year and as long as you are still tuning in, trying every day, we have years ahead of us. The journey is this continuous adventure and never-ending quest. Since I’ve started along the path of happy and healthy, I’ve been lost about three times. Lost in the thick of consumption, emotions, and the inability to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes it was harder to find my way back to the path than others, but each time I found my way back because happy and healthy is who I am. I know we are constantly questing for it, but just like any book on adventure, the main character evolves before the end of the story. Harry Potter, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, etc.  There is this unannounced shift that happens were bravery, courage, clarity, and understanding just become who you are. You don’t have to remain perfect to be your version of happy and healthy, you are trying and showing up every day, promise me to never let anyone take that away from you.

 To be transparent, this is something I struggle with. And my life is my inspiration to share, in hopes it makes you feel less alone, keep you from making my mistakes, and of course give you some motivation.

I want to make something very clear; I have questioned who I am because of what others assumed or said about me. And I Know you are thinking, “I don’t care about what folks think about me”. This is an honest safe space, we both do. I care very much about my character, my image, and what is thought about me. This will become my legacy, so I care very, very much. You may care in a different capacity and magnitude, but every day you code switch, dress accordingly, and maneuver with care. We don’t sit on high horses here. I grew up where being a good girl was how I stayed sheltered, so seeming like a bad person as an adult, when I try very hard to be an impactful, meaningful part of people’s lives, hurts me to a depth that I cannot articulate. Find where your care comes from and walk in that truth. Professional or Personal, it’s there.

Now, to the advice…

Doesn’t matter if it’s friendships, relationships, or self. I want to make something very clear; you can only exist one way. Think about it, everyone you meet gets a different version of you, and that is how you exist to that one person. There are an infinite number of ideas of you, unique to who is telling the story. So never let anyone ever make you believe that there are two versions of you in their world. We have all seen a time travel movie where there cannot be two versions of the same person existing in the same world. Don’t be naive. Let me give you an example.

Recently I called a relationship quits after begging to be seen. Long story short, it was assumed I said something negative, assumed I would allow negative things to be said and a few other things that had no evidence or cause, just assumptions. Two things were in affect here, one this person knew me when I was younger and not so polished, and two, I was trying to change which version of me existed in their world. They still saw me one way, no matter all the growth, all the praise, all the love, and never making mistakes before, when times get challenging instead of clarity they went with bias.

You cannot compete with people’s idea of you. Once someone shows you what they think you are capable of, walk away. Now the trick is to be brave enough. Of course, it was a meaningful relationship to me, so I wanted to clear my name, but then I realized the person I am clearing it to, is the very person who doesn’t value it. Otherwise, they would have never made such negative assumptions. I wouldn’t be capable of saying negative things, or allowing them to be said, if I was seen as who I work hard to be. Clarity would have been granted.

This is with any relationship, your significant other talks down on you, why on earth would you believe them when they hype you up? There is only one version of you that is real while the other is based on contingence. Only existing when they are in a state of happiness. When you call yourself names, that’s how you truly feel so only speak life into you.

There are reasons that everyone is not welcomed at every level of your life. You can be so high, and someone remind you of a hardship you went through, that’s a hater who will only see you as where you came from and not where you are. There are reasons that you get tired of trying to prove who you are now, and just get new friends, partners, etc. Sometimes we must let the old version live in some one’s world, so the evolved version can be welcomed in worlds we didn’t even see coming.

No one deserves constant reminders of mistakes, competing with negative ideas, or living every day to prove their worth when it was never in a place to be questioned.

You will go through challenging times with loved ones and yourself. So how can you tell who is worth the battle? In the mist of battle, the guns will never be aimed at you. Your friend hears something negative, they will say “I know my friend, let me ask them and clear things up”, you are in battle with your Significant other, they will say “How can we get through this together”, In battle with yourself, you will never belittle you. The people who never question your character, the people who see you, the people who value you, will have your back in battles you aren’t even present for.

Stay happy, Stay healthy. Stay Brave.

-Worthy