It’s ok for things to be ok

My partner and I are approaching our one-year anniversary, and since my blog doubles as a self-help diary, there are a few things I want to share. After all, we are on this journey of happy and healthy together…

To sum things up…Disorganized attachment…

This is something a lot of us struggle with, without even knowing. This is the desire for intimacy and healthy relationships yet having anxiety towards it. Fearing you’ll never have someone while simultaneously self-sabotaging and pushing people away. Pulling from my own experience, and maybe you can relate, I was in a cycle of relationships that caused me not to trust myself, my worth, and see myself as valuable. (Now, we don’t point fingers at ex’s here, we take our power back in situations by being accountable for our experiences). So, going into a new healthy relationship, naturally my self-sabotaging Spidey senses kicked in. The good news, I have a partner who held up a mirror to show me myself, without the need to get back, belittle me, or make me feel discarded. It was my responsibility to express myself, take constructive criticism, not be defensive, and my specialty…not run away.

This advice is to be applied in your relationship with yourself, your friends, and your significant other. By now, you can see how all relationships need to be aligned on this journey of happy and healthy. You can’t have unhealthy friendships and exist in a healthy home and vice versa. Let me explain…

Once you exist in true peace and happiness it will only be a matter of time before anything that brings you out of that space will no longer be welcomed. Once you function at a certain frequency, it will be harder and harder to be around things that force you to have to pull yourself back to that vibration. The challenge is to let them go by choice before things unfold that force you to do so. Also, either your friends or partner will get tired of you existing in two states, and you will eventually have to choose. Trust me. The weight of bad friendships will affect your relationship, and vice versa.  

Separation to elevation is a verb and state of existing.

One of the hardest things for me was getting over the fear of having the life I want. It’s crazy because we all chase the life we want, our goal every day is to be happy. Yet, I obtained it and at first had no idea what to even do with it. Conditioned to look for something to be wrong that I created issues unknowingly. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we can be so defined by what we been through. When you aren’t surrounded by problems, there is nothing left to do but work through your healing and be truly happy. Way easier said than done. We’ve all met people whose entire personality is their trauma. While yours may not be as loud ask yourself this, when you have everything, reach a goal you’ve been working so hard to achieve, what do you do next? Do you immediately think about your next goal, do you feel you “should” be further or have more? Do you think about how you could have done things differently and prepare yourself to grind harder? Well, I’ve got news for you…

Look around at your life right now. Think about all the things you’ve accomplished this past year. Even the steps you have accomplished that bring you closer to the end goal. Now, take yourself out to dinner, get a massage, or buy yourself something nice. These mini out loud celebrations will condition you to bask in your happiness. To know what to do when all your wildest dreams come true. To not be like me and be the former president of the self-sabotage committee, (I have since relinquished my thrown).

I made it here, existing in a space I prayed for, and I am saving you a seat. Hoping my story makes your journey easier than mine. Easier to swallow. If not easier, at least you know I am waiting to hold your hand on this side of happiness.

-Meet me here

Need advice? Email me at rlbeltexperience@gmail.com, and watch for a blog response (anonymous of course).