Friendship… A concept we are taught to embrace as soon as we learned what sharing and social ques are. From an adult perspective it can be a challenge to switch gears and unlearn our idea of friendship and dissect it for what it is.

Women enjoy emotional relationships. Places they can vent, cry, release, and feel heard, hence the stigma of gossip that is attached to women or femininity. Then there are men who aren’t so much into the talking side of friendship, but enjoy the doing side of things, ergo the stigma of sitting in the man cave and playing video games all day is attached to masculinity. Now that we have the dynamics of what types of relationships masculine and feminine energy thrive in, let’s remind ourselves what a healthy balance of both looks like. Let’s begin undoing our childish ideas of friendship and discovering who we are as friends.

 Time is one of the main components of undoing friendships. When we are young our parents or guardians would say, “but Sarah has been your friend since fourth grade”, and as we age that becomes our inner voice. Forgetting that letting go, moving on, and outgrowing are a part of life. Time is an illusion and is not a considering factor when determining life expectancy in any relationship. It will have you sacrificing your needs for something that will pass weather you are happy or not. Disregard how long you’ve known people and focus only on their attributes. Think about who you are and what you require, then decide if they fill any niche and move accordingly.

One of the most challenging things for me was loving the type of friend I am. Don’t get me wrong, I was unpolished in a few of my characteristics, and it took effort to become (and still becoming) a polished version of myself. If I could describe me as a friend, I am the motivator, the healer, and the adventurer. The friendships I require are often similar or opposite, meaning I embrace what I need. Based on my personality, I would love a friend who makes me slow down and feel, who is calm natured, and gentle. Attributes that would water me while I water them…no one goes into the store and buys two left shoes.

We have this idea that we need to find friends who are us, misusing compatibility, and similarity. Friendships should be like a puzzle, not a replica of you…but you fit together. The point in life is to keep learning, keep seeing different perspectives, and most of all keep evolving. Think about a friend you were close with because of the similar circumstances you were in, how you could talk and be there for each other. But did the relationship dissipate when circumstances changed or were no longer so similar? While we want people to relate to because that’s what relationships are…bonding with people over similar states of existence is a false sense of security.

Here is your challenge. I want you to be honest with yourself and write down your defining characteristics. Then write down their healthy opposites. Think about a healthy friendship with someone who is a healthy opposite of the things you require, how you could learn from them and them from you. Embrace the idea of someone teaching you to see things from a new lens and how you could benefit from the new perspective. Understand that the ability to see people for who they are, and isolate their characteristics will allow you to do away with childish notions of what compatibility is and use it to enhance your quality of life. Understand that the person still must have the same ethics and values as you, this is compatibility and similarity. Enjoying the same hobbies but from two different vantage points or enjoying different things but opening one another up to new realities.

You’ve become a new person, so embrace new people, new ideas, and release what no longer serves you or appreciates your role in relationships. If people need a place to gossip and that’s not one of your attributes, release the idea that you need to change and make room for someone who compliments what they need.

-Everyone is a piece of a puzzle, go find the parts that complete your picture.