Every dominate person desires a submissive partner. Every man talks about having a submissive partner, and every woman has their own idea of what submission is. Now, let me make something VERY clear…I am not here to tell you what submission is, but to give insight on what it’s not. Or at the very minimum, insight to how harmful some ideas of submission are to both sides of the conversation.

I want you to think of submission. What does it look like to you? Chances are you are going to think of someone who does all the domestic chores. Someone who cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, and is on call to cater to needs. So let me be the first to tell you, chores do not equal submission, and the idea that it does is the reason stay at home dads, male nurses, and men who make less than their partner are looked at in a negative light. So, let’s dissect this train of thought.

First and foremost, there is nothing submissive about chores. A man who cooks and cleans for his woman does not equate to submission, a woman who cooks and cleans for her man is not submissive. This idea is what creates the unequal work divide in most houses. The second shift for women is a real phenomenon because men think submission equates to household duties. Where could this idea stem from?

Y’all know we can tie most ideas back to slavery. The house slave was submissive and, in that role, performed household duties, while the two existed together they are not mutually exclusive. One can exist without the other, they were still submissive without doing the chores. The submission was the state of mind, not the action.

Now back to the original thought. We can give examples of women who cook and clean, who are not submissive at all, as well as ones who don’t who are submissive…because submission is a mentality existing outside of societal roles and norms.

As soon as dominate people stop seeking submission based on chores, the more balanced relationships will be…and people will actually date who they like.

Now ladies, let me talk directly to you…you are not better than or more submissive because you cook, clean, handle the kids, and give your man a night cap. You may very well need to let your man be the head of the household and stop thinking because you do so much you can lead without them. You are actively spreading the wrong narrative and setting a standard no one wants to live up to, but you. (Same for same sex relationships)

Lastly, let’s consider all the submissive women who have maids, make more than their dominate partner, and don’t have kids. What makes them submissive? They don’t do domestic chores, they aren’t mothers, they can’t cook…so what is submission when you must separate it from duties…say it with me mentality.

The way society has fed you this narrative of domesticated partners and communities have ate it up will forever be mind-blowing. I have heard men say they want a domesticated wife, as if there is some obedience school, we attend in order to get house trained, as well as women say they are submissive because they pack their man’s lunch. Both ideas are rooted in gender roles, slave mentality, societal norms, and actions performed. Tying your worth into work is absurd. The ideas don’t hold up if you suffer a chronic illness, an accident, or any other reason that would take away from your duties…then what is your worth and submission tied to?

Think about what submission is on a mental level, how you allow yourself to be lead. Untie your household chores, what your partner likes, and routines that work for your relationship to submission. The two exist separately while coexisting.

Dominate people, discover what type of mentality you like and submissive people discover how you like to be lead. Only then will you find routine that works and a relationship where you are liked and respected for your mind… not your ability to fold laundry.

-Detrimental perspective