Imagine you need to borrow some money and you have a group of people who you know you can borrow from. Out of this list you will go to the person who has the most money, this way you have a higher chance of them saying yes -as well as- you know you will put the least financial strain on them. Because they have an over- flow, they are able to give you some.

The concept of today is reciprocity. I want you to say this out loud (seriously). Reciprocity only exists in over- flow.

Reciprocity Is one of the main building blocks in relationships, right behind communication and respect. It’s one of the things any prosperous relationship can’t do without…so how do we make it personal? How do we apply it to our happy and healthy lifestyle?

Let’s chat.

First things first, we find a way to own it. Just like boundaries, what we need reciprocated is personal. It is your responsibility to know what it is you need reciprocated. What it is that you seek from your relationships? When it comes to your significant other what do you need from them? What is it that you give that you need replenished, and how? When it comes to friendships, what you do you give that you need replenished and how? These should be things you can articulate, if you can’t… you don’t know, and it’s only your fault. Let’s expand.

In friendships I often provide a safe space to vent (a couple times only), a space to try new things, and exist in a place judgment free. Now, what I need reciprocated is a place to exist judgement free, and to talk through all my nerdy theories and ideas. So, I must ask myself, does this person judge themselves and others harshly? Do they always bring me drama and talk about themselves and others often? Do they always come to me with things but never have a space to listen, do they have habits of sitting alone with themselves and listen to their own thoughts? If the answer is negative to any of these, how can I expect them to have any over-flow to give me? How can I expect them to offer me something they do not offer themselves?

It’s common to need spaces reciprocated, but in your own way. I am not a vent type of person; I rather write then talk about unrelated topics to get my mind off it. So, I need a safe space reciprocated, but not for the same reasons as my friends. This is important for all relationships, you need people to show up in ways you need, not the way they need.

Reciprocated energy does not always mean identical.

To continue, we must look out for the negative side of reciprocity. Loops you can get stuck in without even knowing. Say you are in a relationship that constantly makes you yell; you’ve never been so combative but for some reason this relationship keeps bringing out this side of you. This is the energy that your significant other has an over- flow of…and what happens in over- flow? You get some of it. So now you are full of all these negative habits and emotions, constantly being put in such negative emotional states…so now what do you have to offer? An over-flow of reciprocated negative energy.

Reciprocity exists in over-flow, good or bad. Look at how people treat themselves, where are they the fullest? Without you present what healthy habits do they do abundantly? What would anyone in your life have so much of they can give you some? What are you so full of, you can give to someone else? What is your over-flow? What do you need? What energy could you require and reciprocate?

I challenge you to have this conversation with yourself and every relationship in your life. Then adjust accordingly. May all your relationships be abundant…in positivity of course.

-Runneth Over