Author Archives: Raquel Brewer

Puzzle Pieces

Friendship… A concept we are taught to embrace as soon as we learned what sharing and social ques are. From an adult perspective it can be a challenge to switch gears and unlearn our idea of friendship and dissect it for what it is.

Women enjoy emotional relationships. Places they can vent, cry, release, and feel heard, hence the stigma of gossip that is attached to women or femininity. Then there are men who aren’t so much into the talking side of friendship, but enjoy the doing side of things, ergo the stigma of sitting in the man cave and playing video games all day is attached to masculinity. Now that we have the dynamics of what types of relationships masculine and feminine energy thrive in, let’s remind ourselves what a healthy balance of both looks like. Let’s begin undoing our childish ideas of friendship and discovering who we are as friends.

 Time is one of the main components of undoing friendships. When we are young our parents or guardians would say, “but Sarah has been your friend since fourth grade”, and as we age that becomes our inner voice. Forgetting that letting go, moving on, and outgrowing are a part of life. Time is an illusion and is not a considering factor when determining life expectancy in any relationship. It will have you sacrificing your needs for something that will pass weather you are happy or not. Disregard how long you’ve known people and focus only on their attributes. Think about who you are and what you require, then decide if they fill any niche and move accordingly.

One of the most challenging things for me was loving the type of friend I am. Don’t get me wrong, I was unpolished in a few of my characteristics, and it took effort to become (and still becoming) a polished version of myself. If I could describe me as a friend, I am the motivator, the healer, and the adventurer. The friendships I require are often similar or opposite, meaning I embrace what I need. Based on my personality, I would love a friend who makes me slow down and feel, who is calm natured, and gentle. Attributes that would water me while I water them…no one goes into the store and buys two left shoes.

We have this idea that we need to find friends who are us, misusing compatibility, and similarity. Friendships should be like a puzzle, not a replica of you…but you fit together. The point in life is to keep learning, keep seeing different perspectives, and most of all keep evolving. Think about a friend you were close with because of the similar circumstances you were in, how you could talk and be there for each other. But did the relationship dissipate when circumstances changed or were no longer so similar? While we want people to relate to because that’s what relationships are…bonding with people over similar states of existence is a false sense of security.

Here is your challenge. I want you to be honest with yourself and write down your defining characteristics. Then write down their healthy opposites. Think about a healthy friendship with someone who is a healthy opposite of the things you require, how you could learn from them and them from you. Embrace the idea of someone teaching you to see things from a new lens and how you could benefit from the new perspective. Understand that the ability to see people for who they are, and isolate their characteristics will allow you to do away with childish notions of what compatibility is and use it to enhance your quality of life. Understand that the person still must have the same ethics and values as you, this is compatibility and similarity. Enjoying the same hobbies but from two different vantage points or enjoying different things but opening one another up to new realities.

You’ve become a new person, so embrace new people, new ideas, and release what no longer serves you or appreciates your role in relationships. If people need a place to gossip and that’s not one of your attributes, release the idea that you need to change and make room for someone who compliments what they need.

-Everyone is a piece of a puzzle, go find the parts that complete your picture.

An Open Letter

It’s been two years since I decided to embark on a real journey of happy healthy. I decided to captain a ship and each of you joined me as shipmates, deck hands, and co captains in your own life. I couldn’t be more proud of you and I for giving the dedication and sheer will this journey requires.

My entire reason for starting this blog was hope. I believe without hope you have nothing to hold on to. Everyday we get up and are subconsciously hopeful. Hopeful we get our favorite parking spot at work, hopeful the new barista makes our drink correctly, and hopeful that our crush notices our new hair. If nothing else I wanted to be that place you go to for encouragement, motivation, and of course…hope.

I wanted a way to write more, bring you more content, and open up more about my up bringing, and life’s wins and challenges. If for no other reason than to give you a relatable place to escape. I gave myself a goal of getting 50-100 subscribers monthly. Building a foundation for this to be my career, while thinking of ways to make this more of our escape. After two years, finally…I am here.

In a world of subscriptions, I hope to become one on your list. Hear me out, in order for me to bring you more content, stay in college at the beautiful age of 31, and keep navigating the choppy waters of life, this is our next step. Now, life is clearly about exchanges so let me tell you about this exchange of give and take.

First and foremost, stay subscribed and bring your friends too. I will still post complimentary blogs on our life long journey of happy and healthy. The premium content goes beyond and is more personal, deeper, and a bit more of the ugly side of happy and healthy. Second, it is more personal for you. Becoming apart of my premium email list, you can email me. Ask for advice, give me a blog topic, ask for a psychological perspective, or vent in a safe space telling me what you want to share and what is our little secret. Now, the goal of this is to build our connection, blog using your stories for inspiration, and show you that you are not alone. More people than you know deserve to hear from you, no one wants anything more than to be heard and relatable. You are inspirational. Third, it’s affordable and you can cancel at anytime. Try it for a month, you don’t like it cancel and stay on the side of complimentary. The content quality will never waiver. I promise you won’t hurt my feelings. Plus, there are monthly giveaways…who doesn’t love incentives.

This is a win. I set a goal and reached it. I told myself if people keep tuning in, I will take the leap give them more. More of me, more of an escape, and more hope. Our relationship will thrive in reciprocity. I left my job because I believe in us. In this relationship we’ve built and hopeful that I continue to make your life better. After all, you’ve trusted me for this long and I a prepared to take our relationship to the next level.

This wasn’t an easy choice. It took me two years to believe in myself as much as my subscribers believe in me. If you are chasing your why what is stopping you? For me it was fear. Would I lose my audience? Would they not trust me with their stories or want my advice? All things that made me keep pushing back what I really wanted to do. I am still scared, just not crippled by the fear. If I can give you some advice, create a milestone and make a promise to yourself of what you’ll do once you achieve it. Don’t let your self down, keep your promise. Allow yourself to be scared, just don’t let fear stop you. Let fear be a fleeting emotion.

-Brave

Check out my membership page. The blog membership is a new journey I hope you dare to embark on it with me. Browse the other memberships for one on one, teen, or couple sessions in the virtual safe space. Remember, everything’s a conversation, let’s chat.

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Crystal Work

I commented in a group helping someone understand how crystals work and it inspired me to write a blog. I feel like there is this gap of knowledge when it comes to certain things. There are times where newbies feel silly for asking questions and end up buying crystals but not knowing what to do with them, or why they are so special.

So let’s clear some things up…

Why are crystals special

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Rituals

As I prepare new moon ritual kits for customers and answer emails I wanted to give you some reassurance and confidence when it comes to your at home rituals, meditations, and manifestations.

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It’s ok…

It’s ok for things to be ok

My partner and I are approaching our one-year anniversary, and since my blog doubles as a self-help diary, there are a few things I want to share. After all, we are on this journey of happy and healthy together…

To sum things up…Disorganized attachment…

This is something a lot of us struggle with, without even knowing. This is the desire for intimacy and healthy relationships yet having anxiety towards it. Fearing you’ll never have someone while simultaneously self-sabotaging and pushing people away. Pulling from my own experience, and maybe you can relate, I was in a cycle of relationships that caused me not to trust myself, my worth, and see myself as valuable. (Now, we don’t point fingers at ex’s here, we take our power back in situations by being accountable for our experiences). So, going into a new healthy relationship, naturally my self-sabotaging Spidey senses kicked in. The good news, I have a partner who held up a mirror to show me myself, without the need to get back, belittle me, or make me feel discarded. It was my responsibility to express myself, take constructive criticism, not be defensive, and my specialty…not run away.

This advice is to be applied in your relationship with yourself, your friends, and your significant other. By now, you can see how all relationships need to be aligned on this journey of happy and healthy. You can’t have unhealthy friendships and exist in a healthy home and vice versa. Let me explain…

Once you exist in true peace and happiness it will only be a matter of time before anything that brings you out of that space will no longer be welcomed. Once you function at a certain frequency, it will be harder and harder to be around things that force you to have to pull yourself back to that vibration. The challenge is to let them go by choice before things unfold that force you to do so. Also, either your friends or partner will get tired of you existing in two states, and you will eventually have to choose. Trust me. The weight of bad friendships will affect your relationship, and vice versa.  

Separation to elevation is a verb and state of existing.

One of the hardest things for me was getting over the fear of having the life I want. It’s crazy because we all chase the life we want, our goal every day is to be happy. Yet, I obtained it and at first had no idea what to even do with it. Conditioned to look for something to be wrong that I created issues unknowingly. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we can be so defined by what we been through. When you aren’t surrounded by problems, there is nothing left to do but work through your healing and be truly happy. Way easier said than done. We’ve all met people whose entire personality is their trauma. While yours may not be as loud ask yourself this, when you have everything, reach a goal you’ve been working so hard to achieve, what do you do next? Do you immediately think about your next goal, do you feel you “should” be further or have more? Do you think about how you could have done things differently and prepare yourself to grind harder? Well, I’ve got news for you…

Look around at your life right now. Think about all the things you’ve accomplished this past year. Even the steps you have accomplished that bring you closer to the end goal. Now, take yourself out to dinner, get a massage, or buy yourself something nice. These mini out loud celebrations will condition you to bask in your happiness. To know what to do when all your wildest dreams come true. To not be like me and be the former president of the self-sabotage committee, (I have since relinquished my thrown).

I made it here, existing in a space I prayed for, and I am saving you a seat. Hoping my story makes your journey easier than mine. Easier to swallow. If not easier, at least you know I am waiting to hold your hand on this side of happiness.

-Meet me here

Need advice? Email me at rlbeltexperience@gmail.com, and watch for a blog response (anonymous of course).

Perseverance

Today’s card… perseverance. A noun, defined as steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

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Things Remembered

“Sometimes you must get somewhere to realize it’s no longer where you want to be.”

Once we are old enough to have dreams, one of the first things we are asked is “what do you want to be when you grow up”. Being taught that you must have this obtainable, reasonable goal in mind…at four.

Well, this is a much-needed conversation, this idea screams set up for self-loathing and self-destruction. Let’s chat…Let’s create a list of very strict facts. Write them down, live by them, and promise me you will never stop evolving.

 One, what you valued at 20 will be beneath you at 30 (so on and so forth). There is an infinite number of possibilities, this never-ending number of things you can become. You are allowed to reach a goal, bask in your accomplishment, then create a new one. You owe it to yourself to become everything you thought you would be at 18. The issues come in when you think you have to be stuck there. As if you won’t have new dreams at 20,22, hell 40. Like you have to stop dreaming with age. If the only constant in life is change, and you learn more about yourself as life unfolds, it is wise to only deduce that life experience will cause you to constantly change. This very idea is what you owe yourself.

Evolution is a personal concept.

Two, completing the journey is not the only time to celebrate. This is the hardest concept for adults. Think about it. Everything is rooted in childhood so let’s go back. At the completion of grade school you celebrate, at the completion of an age you celebrate, at the completion of certificates or degrees you celebrate. We are programed to believe it is only worth celebrating once the goal is complete. While this teaches our young minds to follow through, it teaches our adult brains two things. That we must finish the journey, or we are failures, and we can only celebrate after the completion of something. As if the bravery of embarking on said journey is not cause enough for celebration. If you began a journey, I am proud of you. If you got halfway through and decided it wasn’t for you, I am even more proud of you. Courage is admitting this is no longer your goal, and instead of following society and doing it anyway, you chose to chase your passion. Celebrate every step of the way, even when you change course.

Third, you are allowed to create a life around your why. This one sounds like a no brainer but trust me, we all get wrapped in the “paycheck”. Raise your hand if you go to work and know someone who wants to do something else but needs to work for a living, raise your hand if this person is you. There are plenty of people who chase career excellence just for the money. And these people become good at their selective careers because they are aware they desire a lifestyle where they obtain material things with ease. And I commend them because they are living in their passion. Aware of their why and chasing it every day, can’t help but to envy it. Being taught what success looks like over happiness is yet again something we must retrain our adult brains to undo. Think about your passion now, now think about all the careers that can be built around this passion. Too often do we get a job and try to create our personality around it. The old saying still stands “If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life”. For example, there are people who love traveling, they have this nomad spirit about them and value seeing the world above all else. They will be MISERABLE in a corporate office setting and because we need money to live their career should be built on their passion. Flight attendant, trucker, traveling job in any field (nursing, stylist, massage therapist, corporate trainer) etc., or even a travel blogger.

The trick is to make society conform to you, not the other way around.

 Don’t forget that your why, your passion, your reason may change over time, and that’s ok. You owe it to yourself to explore who you are. To allow all the versions of you to exist fearlessly. To allow yourself a space to thrive without considering age or time. Fear is only a hindrance. How do you know who you are if you never give yourself a chance to find out? How do you know if something is for you if you’ve never tried it? If you’ve never chased it? I’d rather die chasing my dreams, than wondering what chasing dreams felt like.

 Be brave enough to accomplish a goal, then set a new one. Be courageous enough to reach a milestone and admit “I actually don’t like it here”. Be bold enough to evolve and out-grow your old dreams, or bold enough to go back and chase them.  And most of all, be kind enough to allow yourself to start anew…with no regrets.

-Dream with your eyes wide open.

Collective Questions

I was doing some reading and preparing material for the collective. And I came across some teachings that urged me to clarify.

First and foremost the rules in spirituality are very clear. It’s free of all the restrictions of organized religion, but with the same warnings and parables.

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Battle

We have been on this journey of happy healthy for a year and as long as you are still tuning in, trying every day, we have years ahead of us. The journey is this continuous adventure and never-ending quest. Since I’ve started along the path of happy and healthy, I’ve been lost about three times. Lost in the thick of consumption, emotions, and the inability to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes it was harder to find my way back to the path than others, but each time I found my way back because happy and healthy is who I am. I know we are constantly questing for it, but just like any book on adventure, the main character evolves before the end of the story. Harry Potter, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, etc.  There is this unannounced shift that happens were bravery, courage, clarity, and understanding just become who you are. You don’t have to remain perfect to be your version of happy and healthy, you are trying and showing up every day, promise me to never let anyone take that away from you.

 To be transparent, this is something I struggle with. And my life is my inspiration to share, in hopes it makes you feel less alone, keep you from making my mistakes, and of course give you some motivation.

I want to make something very clear; I have questioned who I am because of what others assumed or said about me. And I Know you are thinking, “I don’t care about what folks think about me”. This is an honest safe space, we both do. I care very much about my character, my image, and what is thought about me. This will become my legacy, so I care very, very much. You may care in a different capacity and magnitude, but every day you code switch, dress accordingly, and maneuver with care. We don’t sit on high horses here. I grew up where being a good girl was how I stayed sheltered, so seeming like a bad person as an adult, when I try very hard to be an impactful, meaningful part of people’s lives, hurts me to a depth that I cannot articulate. Find where your care comes from and walk in that truth. Professional or Personal, it’s there.

Now, to the advice…

Doesn’t matter if it’s friendships, relationships, or self. I want to make something very clear; you can only exist one way. Think about it, everyone you meet gets a different version of you, and that is how you exist to that one person. There are an infinite number of ideas of you, unique to who is telling the story. So never let anyone ever make you believe that there are two versions of you in their world. We have all seen a time travel movie where there cannot be two versions of the same person existing in the same world. Don’t be naive. Let me give you an example.

Recently I called a relationship quits after begging to be seen. Long story short, it was assumed I said something negative, assumed I would allow negative things to be said and a few other things that had no evidence or cause, just assumptions. Two things were in affect here, one this person knew me when I was younger and not so polished, and two, I was trying to change which version of me existed in their world. They still saw me one way, no matter all the growth, all the praise, all the love, and never making mistakes before, when times get challenging instead of clarity they went with bias.

You cannot compete with people’s idea of you. Once someone shows you what they think you are capable of, walk away. Now the trick is to be brave enough. Of course, it was a meaningful relationship to me, so I wanted to clear my name, but then I realized the person I am clearing it to, is the very person who doesn’t value it. Otherwise, they would have never made such negative assumptions. I wouldn’t be capable of saying negative things, or allowing them to be said, if I was seen as who I work hard to be. Clarity would have been granted.

This is with any relationship, your significant other talks down on you, why on earth would you believe them when they hype you up? There is only one version of you that is real while the other is based on contingence. Only existing when they are in a state of happiness. When you call yourself names, that’s how you truly feel so only speak life into you.

There are reasons that everyone is not welcomed at every level of your life. You can be so high, and someone remind you of a hardship you went through, that’s a hater who will only see you as where you came from and not where you are. There are reasons that you get tired of trying to prove who you are now, and just get new friends, partners, etc. Sometimes we must let the old version live in some one’s world, so the evolved version can be welcomed in worlds we didn’t even see coming.

No one deserves constant reminders of mistakes, competing with negative ideas, or living every day to prove their worth when it was never in a place to be questioned.

You will go through challenging times with loved ones and yourself. So how can you tell who is worth the battle? In the mist of battle, the guns will never be aimed at you. Your friend hears something negative, they will say “I know my friend, let me ask them and clear things up”, you are in battle with your Significant other, they will say “How can we get through this together”, In battle with yourself, you will never belittle you. The people who never question your character, the people who see you, the people who value you, will have your back in battles you aren’t even present for.

Stay happy, Stay healthy. Stay Brave.

-Worthy