Raquel Brewer

Why.

I remember being a teen sitting on a bus stop wondering why me? Why was I a homeless teen? Why was I raped at such a young age? Why was I a good student, a great kid, and still my mother didn’t want me, why was she an addict, and to top it off why did my father pass away? I couldn’t wrap my mind around the WHY do bad things happen, to me?

I would talk to adults and the only help they offered was telling me “Everything happens for a reason”. God, If I had a dollar every time, I heard it… Or the classic “bad things happen to good people”. If I wasn’t a child, I would have told them all to go to hell. I would tell myself when I got older, I would understand it all. Everything would click, and the bad parts of life would have meaning.

Bullshit.

As a thriving 31 year old, I want to make this plain. Bad things happen, that’s it. There is no preparing you for battles, or secret meaning to the unprovoked bad things that have taken place. The unfortunate things that have nothing to do with karma, generational curses, or higher beings, specifically. I want to save you from the mental turmoil of searching for meaning in things that don’t have one. Those sayings do nothing but cause confusion, making us think that if we are always good only good things happen, then leave us shattered when the terrible occur.

For the good part.

Ask yourself what do you stand for, what do you fight for, and most of all who you fight for? Out loud, answer each one. What are you willing to give up, fighting your cause, to make a difference, and change the world for the better? Now think about what gave you that drive? Think about where that passion comes from? Do you motivate others because no one motivated you in your darkest times, are you always there for people because no one was there for you, do you hate bullies because you grew up with less? Do you embrace your friends and overextend yourself because you grew up in family turmoil? Are you like me and decided to give up everything to learn law because no one fought for you as kid, so now you feel it is your soul purpose to fight and protect as many people as you can?

How has your “why me” shaped who you are? Would you be you if you didn’t go through the heart aches, the deaths, the assaults, the abuse, the trauma? Bad things never answer the why, but they lead us to who.

There is nothing I can say that will make your “why me” hurt any less. Nothing I can do to lessen the pain of your reality. But I can help you see that YOU create the answer to why me. You give it meaning. The bad things mean nothing, until you make them. How can you use what you’ve been through to build your legacy? The bad things are the building blocks for the world you get to create. The world you get to make a difference in. The world where you fight for yourself to never have to feel that way again. And we know bad things will keep coming, but thankfully you’ve built a fortress and are surrounded by the armor of survival.

I promise you it will always hurt; it will always be a part of you, but you won’t let it consume you. You make it livable; you will give it meaning. And the next time anyone else says why me? Ask, well who are you?

-Upstander

If you need to find your calling, need to be heard, need to admit what you’ve been though Book a session at www.raquelsturn.com

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Happiness isn’t Happy

I woke up today in such a state of happiness. Of course, it’s a constant state, but occasionally this over whelming feeling of joy comes from my soul. My soul reminding me it’s happy existing in the world I’ve created, thanking me for joy, and making sure I never forget what being in harmony feels like. Once you understand the separation between emotions of the mind and existence if the soul, everything you do will have a different intent. Let me explain…

Happiness is a state of existence, while being happy is a feeling. Do you see the soul and mind distinction?

Things make you happy, for example, a new car or getting flowers from your favorite person. The emotion you display is considered happy and you are content. For many, this is how relationships that don’t bring your soul happiness but make your mind happy last for so long. Let’s dig deeper. Be honest, we’ve all been in a bad relationship, no one is high and mighty on this platform.

Think about a karmic relationship you were (or are currently) in and notice how your soul was not in a state of happiness, but small moments made you happy. Those moments where there was great sex, or finally a great day reminding you why you got together in the first place. Maybe there was great communication, or even gifts. All the small moments of contentment that made you happy, also made you stay. But remember emotions are fleeting, so without there being a true state of happiness the arguments soon followed, the energy quickly shifted, and you found yourself asking “why are we doing this”. And the cycle continues.

This separation can be applied to any relationship or situation. And I promise, those momentary states of contentment will never bring your soul the existence it deserves. Now I’m not saying quite your job, end friendships, dump your partner or anything irrational. What I am saying is evaluate. Evaluate your relationship, your friendships, your career. Listen to how your soul reacts, then act accordingly.

Does your relationship add to your happiness, or does it make you content? Do your friends bring your soul joy, or do you need drinks and a crowd to have a good time? Do you want another job or to go back to school, but they will give you a raise or incentives to stay?

The saying “separate to elevate” is not just about isolating yourself from distractions. It also applies to the soul and mind separation and application. We live in a world where we put temporary emotions above our state of existence. Staying in relationships for looks, or jobs for status. At what point do you stop sacrificing your soul? At what point will you be brave enough to only do what brings you true happiness, and never give anyone an explanation for it.

Unlearn what you think happiness is, then go find it.

-Existence is to soul, as Emotion is to mind

Book a session, Let’s chat about finding your happiness, it’s time to have the conversation.

Spiritual

Over the past couple of years there has been this tremendous shift in terminology between spirituality and religion. Post saying, “I hate how people have changed prayer with manifesting” or “replaced God with universe”. Within this battle of correct terminology there is a group of people trying to find truth in the mist of two concepts that both make sense. With confusion comes ineffective prayer and manifestation. So, I am here to help. If you are seeking clarity, wondering why you feel pulled to both concepts, and just want to better express your reasons for your beliefs…keep reading.

First let’s start with a quick bit of history. The lovely Cleopatra is who we can thank for the concept of a central god (which isn’t capitalized when you believe in more than one god). Majority of our ancestors believed in multiple gods, but a center one of them all. If you have African heritage, you still hold this concept, thanking specific gods for certain things, and the central god for ALL things. This concept of one central god was stolen, cleopatra was erased from history, and most religions were born, but with different steps. (Thank you colonization)

Now let’s dissect why you feel this pull towards spirituality but feel guilty because you were raised in religion. First and foremost, you are a spiritual being, inhabiting flesh. Second God, angels, and the devil…all spirits. You talking to God is a spiritual connection, and when God answers your prayers, it is a spirit moving on your behalf. Or when you want to be covered by your guardian angels, that is a spirit you feel shields you. We don’t even need to talk about the devil, because his power is based on it being given to him (and we don’t do that here).

So, what’s with the change in terminology? Well, your ancestors are who religion teaches are angels, as well as the powerful spirits allowed to move within this world. Hear me out, in revelations there are spirits who unleash certain things upon the earth. Throughout scripture the disciples are mediums who receive a message from God to tell everyone else, and scripture even tells you that some people will be blessed with partial gifts, until his return (speaking in tongues, prophecy, rebuking evil spirits, healing, etc.). Think about the prophetic dreams that happen all throughout the bible, how sickness needs to be cast out because it is an evil spirit…sound familiar?

Remember religions are rules you have to follow in the flesh to allow your soul a one way ticket to meet the God of that religion, while being able to talk to one God(who is a spirit), through a spiritual connection. While spirituality owns the concept that you are a soul who has a spiritual connection to connect with spiritual beings, with limitations of course. One doesn’t cancel out the other, they overlap. Don’t forget your are three parts, flesh, soul, and spirit. The soul is not at play in spirituality.

Think of a study hall, you have a professor and all your classmates. There are about 300 students one professor and three teacher assistants. When you need help, the fastest way is to ask a student, now they could not know, tell you the wrong answer, or be right. You could wait a little longer and wait for an assistant, who is more likely to steer you in the right direction. Lastly, you could wait the longest for the professor and know that they will teach you what is right yet will hide the answer in some type of teachable moment, so you learn. Now change students with ancestors, assistants with spirit guides, and professor to God.

The last thing I want to touch on is the whole universe and manifestation concept. When God created the universe, it was created in balance. Proven even in science that energy on the earth is set, it cannot be destroyed, only stored, or transferred. So, there is this set cosmic balance. When someone is asking the universe for something, they are specifically asking for it to be there time to receive, end their karma, or be grateful that it is there time to “reap their harvest”. Like sowing seeds by tithing. This doesn’t take away from praying to God. Manifestation is a thing of the mind, while prayer is a direct linkage to a spirit you desire to talk to. You pray to God for a promotion, then you manifest yourself in that position. Day in and out you see yourself there, while praying to God, in the cosmic order of balance, it is your time. Putting out positive energy and thoughts bring them towards you. Remember God is not in the balance of this universe, because God is the universe.

All this to say, find comfort in your mind. Fact check me, find the burning of herbs in the bible, understand that a medium is just a “middle man”, and that you are spiritual simply because you are a spirit. And until you find peace and balance, your prayers will only be lost in confusion and unanswered, because the limitations of your mind are overcrowding your heart, negatively effecting your spiritual connection. You cannot have a mind of duality and expect to receive in uncertainty.

Fair warning, there are bad spirits as well, hence the devil and his demons. While you find comfort in using the terminology of your ancestors and finding the correlation for yourself, be careful. Use your spirit of discernment, and never use a medium who spirit agitates yours. We are the same energy used to create the stars. A piece of universe is within you, you are literally the stuff the universe is made of. Tap into it.

-Star Dust

You

I spent so much of my time on earth trying to feel wanted and desired. Trying to be enough, no matter what it looked like. I wanted to be great at everything, so I always had something to offer. Causing me to be multi-faceted, but for the wrong reasons. Jumping from different careers, hobbies, business ideas and friend circles. All because the time I spent trying to have a desirable skill, I was losing who I was more and more.

In turn, I remember at 28 I decided to stop everything, and make my deepest desires my reality. I applied to college, and for some reason was surprised at how many people I lost along the way. Since I was no longer filling the niche, they needed me for, I no longer had purpose.

Yet, every day since I decided to reintroduce myself to me, I’ve woken up knowing I am my authentic self. Unapologetically. Knowing that what I’m chasing far outweighs my losses. I constantly say to myself, stay authentic, be worth the abundance you desire. Peace of self is the greatest reward.

Presenting the real you to people, and the natural pull to spaces you belong in, only comes when you are true to yourself. Ascension and Awakening are the consequences of authenticity.

The challenging part of this will be rejection. When you are no longer willing to make yourself fit, and accepting when you are not desired, the sting of rejection will only help you reach a level of emotional maturity and confidence in self. And not the cliché of confidence like looks and appearance. I mean the confidence to truly know that everyone feels rejection, it’s the response that sets us apart.

For example, our younger selves (emotionally immature) would lose friends, lose jobs, lose significant others, and lash out. “fuck them”, “I don’t care” “their loss” etc. That is the inability to handle rejection and process emotions.

When you have shed everything that is not you, when you present your authentic, raw, beautiful self in its full capacity, when you show up for you every single day and every encounter, two things happen. Your discernment and intuition heighten, as well as the understanding feeling rejection is ok, normal, and apart of growth.

Think about it, how could you present your most vulnerable self, and feel nothing if it’s not accepted. Even if it’s a split-second fleeting emotion. Admit it exists, feel it, and know that it just wasn’t the space for you. And instead of trying to make yourself fit, make yourself be accepted, make yourself do activities you truly don’t care for, before you start losing yourself again, be confident. Feeling and processing useful emotions are what confidence looks like.

-Authenticity

To talk about ways to face rejection head on or talk about how you’ve lost yourself over the years, head over to the booking tab and schedule a session. Check the memberships tab first to see what memberships include one on one sessions.

Honesty

As we find our rhythm for 2022, endure big life changes, and prepare for the best year of our life, I want us collectively to sit in honesty. This may seem like an easy task, cause we “grown”, but understand, people only lie out of fear. And nothing is scarier than the hard truth you owe yourself.

I was so confused on so many repeating patterns in my life, wondering why I keep putting myself in these situations, why do I deserve this -or my favorite- why didn’t I see this coming. But the hard truth was honesty.

I wasn’t truly healing from one situation to the next. I was going through the stages of grief, and calling them healing and learning, when they are in fact, just emotions. Too often do we mistake feeling emotions with the actual work required to heal.

The root of healing comes when someone can ask you about a situation and you can be honest about the ugly parts. When you don’t immediately blame others involved, and actively work on the parts of yourself that require it. Just like working out, you must exercise that change.

I am sure we have all been in situations where we wish we kept our composure, kept our emotions in check, or even beat ourselves up for what we should have said or did. This comes from thinking since we are past emotions, we have healed, and are ready for what’s next. Only to be put in the situation yet again.

Now there are exceptions to what you can take ownership to, yet you can take accountability for how it has affected your life, attitude, and relationships.

For example, I experienced homelessness as a teenager and being discarded by the very people who were supposed to love and protect me. There is no way I could ever not blame adults for how they treated me as a child, or ever take any responsibility for it. Yet, I can understand why I get so emotional when people say they love me yet make me feel discarded. I can recognize that is trigger language for me, where it stems from, and be sure I don’t lash out when faced with those type of emotions. I can also be verbal about my real experiences, without trauma dumping.

Be honest about what happened, own it, admit it. Then find your rhythm, find your truth, and most of be brave enough to be honest.

-Sit with Self

Honesty is the first step in healthy relationships, with self and others. Head over to www.spiritualunicornbae.com and sign up for my class on healthy relationships.

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Cheers

The last day of the year, somehow feels like the first day of quarantine. Nevertheless, we are going to conquer the day by setting the tone for year 2022. While some people have those “don’t wait for the new year to start” attitudes, it is simply OK to need to prepare yourself for mental, physical, and spiritual changes. They are a big deal. A BIG DEAL.

You may have already set your goals, but I want to take it a step farther and set your mind up for success. The words for 2022 are intent and purpose. Ready?

Think about any goals you have in mind, write them down, then write the words intent and purpose next to them. Ask yourself what the intended outcome is of achieving this goal, what Is the purpose. Think deep.

Write out a list of people in your life. Ask yourself what purpose they serve in your life, and what is their intent with you (you can even ask them).

Lastly, write down your purpose. What is the reason you exist, what is it that you fulfill? Now, how can you make that purpose intentional? How can you fulfill your purpose through the goals you listed, through the people in your life, and with your everyday decisions?

Take a moment today and reflect on the entire 2021. Think about the things you over came, the things you accomplished, and even the things that knocked you down. Cry, laugh, be frustrated, be proud and then know…. This is the last time you will give it your energy. Everything has got you to this point, reading this blog, and setting goals to be intentional and purposeful going forward.

As I go into my last year of psychology, I have finally learned how to use my knowledge to help everyone create the world they deserve to live in. I’ve forgiven myself for so much, applied my studies to my life, and set the tone for the rest of my life. I dare you to be intentional and purposeful with your life. Subscribe to my blog, review the memberships, and continuously dedicate time for self. You deserve more than you could ever imagine.

For making it this far, I am proud of you.

–To the greatest year of your life, cheers

Joy comes in the morning

I woke up this morning full of emotion. Overjoyed that the semester is over, I am in a loving relationship, I have great friends, my platform is touching more lives, and the list goes on. And then I felt this incredible wave of sadness, similar to the weight of guilt.

I took a minute to breathe and go through my mental checklist of what could be wrong. Do I feel guilty I am this happy? Do I feel I am worthy of my joy? Then like a ton of bricks, my eyes swelled with tears as it hit me… I am upset it took me so long to get here…

As the tears fall and I reflect on the things I am so grateful for, I can’t help but reminisce on all the things I put my soul through. All the times I sat in bitterness, felt like I wasn’t enough, self-sabotaged, or allowed myself to be treated like I knew I didn’t deserve. Hoping and praying one day, If I stayed long enough, if I did more, if I looked better, if I changed my hair, things would finally turn in my favor. Never to rest in my past or to diminish my present, but when your soul truly finds joy, it’s almost as if it will let you know to never leave this place again.

I am not talking about the circumstances we can’t help, broken homes, childhood trauma and abuse (we will save that for another day). I am only referring to the things you endured in the flesh, that your soul had to pay the price for. We often sit in places too long to save face, we don’t want to look silly for our choices, and most of all we live in the “what if”. Loudly I yell, TIME IS NOT A MEASUREMENT FOR EMOTION”.

You sitting where you do not deserve, will only prolong you getting to the joy you deserve. You sitting where you do not deserve, will only make your happiness harder to accept. You sitting where you do not deserve, will only keep your soul aching and your intuition off. If any of these made you think of a specific scenario or person, that is your soul trying to tell you this is where it doesn’t belong. As time takes your flesh, your soul is all that’s left. So, live for it.

Although I am crying in the flesh, my soul is cleansing, shedding everything I put it through and letting me know I finally found home.

Be brave.

-Meet me here.

Essence

Today I write from a place of sadness and fear. One of my biggest triggers is uncertainty…I know you’re like life is full of uncertainty. I should recite philosophical quotes like “the only constant in life is change”. Not that type of uncertainty, the type you cause yourself, the type you allow to creep in and create scenarios around destruction unsure of which one is most likely to play out. The kind of fear that comes with disappointment, self-doubt, and letting yourself down. The kind that sits in your chest, aches your soul, and keeps tears welled up in your eyes as you force yourself through the day. Praying for a moment to be left alone to let a tear fall accompanied by a small gasp without anyone noticing. The type of sadness that is no one’s fault but your own… it hits different. Because there is no one else to blame as the knots sit in your stomach even in an attempt to make sense of everything.

No matter how healed, how loving, and how much effort, there will be times when you are disappointed in you. It could be a bad choice, unsureness, a rocky relationship, a missed opportunity…and the list continues. There is no remedy for this, and I’d be misleading and selling you pipe dreams if I said it goes away as we continue through this journey of healthy love and healing. When in fact it will be quite the opposite.

There will be days where you question yourself as you begin to hold you to a higher standard. As you become one with your soul you become less tolerable with your own mistakes, holding yourself to a higher regard, and feeling it in your very core when you let you down. And all I can say is let it happen.

As I type and wipe away my own tears of disappointment, doubting myself and judgment I have but one piece of advice. Treat your soul as a separate entity, allowing you to cater to it with the same care you would with anything thing else. Let your soul be your most childlike part and console it like you would a crying infant. We don’t tell infants “that’s what you get”, or “I told you so”…we console them even though we are unsure what’s wrong, calmly and quickly trying to find a remedy to stop the tears. Remember your body ages while your soul is timeless. Wouldn’t it be unfair to hold something so divine to the limitations of age and time from the earthly realm?

Your soul lives within your being, be gentle with you. Be careful with your essence.

-Brewer?

Raw

When I was a child, I found myself constantly having to prove I was good enough. Good enough to be kept, and I am sure every child who grew up in a home without biological parents can relate. Now in my adult years, as I sit and reflect, I’ve allowed myself to build relationships where I must prove I am good enough. Subconsciously gravitating to what’s familiar, and not even notice the pattern until we are in the thick of it.

When we are children, we are asked, “what’s wrong?” or “How are you feeling?” When something has happened to us. Rarely having emotional check-ins, because everything is assumed to be ok…simply because nothing worth being emotional towards has happened.

Today I don’t have anything philosophical or deep analogy to help deliver this blog. Just telling you the raw in hopes that you grasp it, understand the seriousness, and do with it what you will. Let this be life changing.

Nothing has to happen in order for your feelings to be valid, nor do you have to do something to someone in order for their feelings to be valid. Let me explain, we’ve all had a time where we were accused of something false, did all this crying and yelling to prove we didn’t do whatever it was, only to find out someone’s emotions were the root of the issue. Creating their own scenarios or what they feel must have happened, because we are taught something bad had to of happened, since we have a bad feeling.

The same is true in reverse, have you had a feeling, then assumed the worst. Feeling like without a doubt this is what must have happened. Because, why else would you feel this way. Then you go to the parties involved, accusing them, because you just know! Only to be wrong.

I am here to tell you that is not intuition, that is the inability to voice your emotions without probable cause. And that is not only unhealthy, but a toxic environment. And since this is a journey of healthy love and light, here are some life changing behaviors.

First, you don’t need to prove you are good enough, yet you do need to show you are a safe space. I find myself doing so much to be seen and deemed worth it, that I forget those who know me, love me, and flow to me, saw that in me in the first place. Second, when nothing has happened share your emotions (with yourself or loved ones). If you are feeling a bad emotion, express it… don’t assume something bad has happened or is about to, a constant state of a negative mind, only results in negative things. Release it. When you are feeling a good emotion express it, share it, let that be what you speak. Your emotions are valid without anything happening to give you reason for them.

Lastly, give people the space to do the same. Listen, be present, and validate. Do not ask someone why they are feeling that way, but how can you help or remove those emotions. Ask yourself how you are feeling and give an honest answer, and be willing to accept it.

You exist before events happen. You exist just in your very being, your mind firing off thousands of synapsis every second, consciousness is a result of the brain, and feelings are the effect.

-R.L. Brewer

Sea

Today I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of emotions. Unsure of which one to tackle first, as they crash against me. Holding me under their waves when I so desperately just want to breathe. Not wanting any one to see me drowning yet wanting help to come.

As you join me on this new journey of light and love, I hope this helps when love just isn’t.

Isn’t readily available, isn’t perfect, and isn’t coming from anywhere else. The days when you must know, without a doubt, that you are loved because at that moment feelings are fleeting. Whether it be from self or someone else, love is an emotion. And like them all it comes and goes, like high tide, like the waves gently caressing the sand before they retreat.

And here I am wishing at this moment; I was safe standing on the beach. Never having the nerve to plunge in the sea when the view from shore was satisfying. But only because I am drowning. On shore, I wanted nothing more to be in the sea. Exploring everything emotion had to offer. Reaching new depths as the waves carried me deep. On shore I wanted nothing more than to be one with the sea, so calm on the surface, but full of life underneath. I had no idea I would be completely swept off my feet.

As I feel the waves carry me further from the shore, I remember, I’m exactly where I want to be. I wanted to explore love so deep, that it scared me. The fear of drowning is fleeting, as I stop fighting against the waves and let them take me on the journey I need. Gently rising to the surface I realize, my fear kept me underneath.

Be so brave to take the leap, leave the shore to explore the deep. Be brave enough to love with such a deepness you must remind yourself to breathe.

-Into The Deep