Raquel Brewer

Accountability…

I woke up this morning crying…tears of joy of course. I felt so light, so free…weightless. And if you’ve followed my blog, you know the past two years have been anything but. From losing love that wasn’t real, to finding healing in all my mistakes. The journey has been anything but weightless. I’ve blogged my personal journey through love, life, and the darkness that creeps in when you least expect it. And now, 30 years later, we will embark on an entirely new journey together. One of only real love, healing, patience, and all the things we want life to look like. I am an advocate for mental health, I root for love (with healthy skepticism), and hope to inspire every reader to let go, let light in, and journey with me.

When I healed completely, the love I craved fell into me, as if it felt I was ready to give it back. Now all my love rests in a safe and secure place. Free from fear and ache. I used to hold on to my love afraid to let it go completely. Always one foot on the ground, for fear it would be broken, damaged, tainted beyond repair. Never realizing the little pieces that chipped off every time I snatched it back. I was the one damaging my love, holding on so tight, I never let it grow. Never able to blossom into its full bloom, I kept my love from reaching its full potential. I never felt safe enough to allow my love to be rooted and watered. Never allowing it to take root in soil that didn’t feel like home.

But now, I’ve let go of the fear that suffocates, deciding that I was truly ready to task the risk. Finally ready to hand over my plant of love, letting it be watered, take root, and have a place to finally call home. The choice was not easy, but prior preparation is key. I had to realize as I handed over my love, I wasn’t left empty-handed. I was given another plant, to water, to nurture, to give a place to take root and call home. I thought I was so careful so gentle with my love, until I was given full responsibility of someone else’s. I had no idea the gentleness I was capable of. I had no idea the love I was ready for.

As you prepare for love, in any capacity, make sure all of you is ready. The only constant in life is change, so by no means am I insinuating perfection. I am telling you, what you seek will not flow to you unless you are truly prepared. Ask yourself how much you love you, then reflect on what you’ve allowed love to look like in your life. Do you see the discrepancies? If what you allowed doesn’t match your version of love, how can someone else’s take root and call you home. How can what you desire be nurtured within you when you are not prepared for it. How can you pour into what you crave when you yourself are empty and wilted? Only when you are blossoming, will you attract what you require.

-Full Bloom

Healthy Healing

I remember sitting on my couch a few months before I turned 30, talking about how excited I was for a new decade. I learned so much about myself in my 20’s, went through tremendous wins and losses, traveled the world, took every opportunity to advance both my career and creativity. So, I knew my 30’s was going to be nothing but reaping my harvest. After all, 30 is grown…right?

Healthy Healing…If I could name chapter 30 in my book of life, this would be the title. I had no idea before you reap your harvest, you must completely heal from everything, in a healthy manner. Too often do we just “get over” things and anticipate what’s next. But the catch is, those cycles will continue to repeat themselves until healthy healing happens.

I was talking to my virtual therapist and of course I spoke on healing from past relationships. I began to talk about how I am seen in this negative light, and then talked about these negative experiences. She let me vent, and then in the most monotone voice said, “Do you think this is healing.” I knew right away I wasted a session. Not because she didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, but because in that one rhetorical question, I heard her loud and clear. As the great friend I am, I’ll save you the $180 therapy session (but still go). Grab your wine and listen up.

As I welcome love into my life on a magnitude I never have before, it took understanding healthy healing to embark on this new journey, fearlessly. We’ve all had break ups where we end up the villain in someone’s story, as well as telling our version of events with a negative tone. Highlighting everything negative to make ourselves move on, stop crying blah blah blah. But hear me out, is that healing? Or is that making yourself dislike someone so much, while gaining reassurances, that you feel compelled to find someone better? There are two things wrong with this.

The first being the danger of dislike. If you are only focused on what you disliked from your past, you are actively seeking someone who just doesn’t check those specific boxes. Ignoring other red flags simply because they “don’t do this like my ex”. Like my ex never posted me on social media, this is not a requirement for me, but what if I just dated someone because they were willing to post me? What about if they bought me flowers, or remembered my favorite color? I would be so focused on them doing things my ex didn’t do, I would complete miss if we were truly compatible.

The next thing is your happiness going into your next relationship. I guarantee there is a difference when you talk to someone who hates their ex and someone who has healed from their past experience. If I were on a date and I was asked about my last relationship and why a woman as successful and gorgeous as me (toot toot) is single I would say “My last relationship was beautiful, I learned so much and created some amazing memories on the journey” I would continue “there are many reasons we spilt, but life happens and that does not erase the reasons that brought us together during our time”. That shows ownership of the relationship, no bitterness, no pretending I was perfect while everything is their fault and sets a boundary of, I will never discredit someone or our experience just because we are no longer a unit…that is healthy healing. To be able to speak from a place of genuineness without disdain, allows for what you seek to flow to you. Of course, it could be easy to say, “well they didn’t value me, we always argued, our sex life wasn’t good blah blah blah”. And as soon as that leaves your mouth you’ve shown more of who you are and why you are single. You’ve shown you are confrontational, have bad arguments, take no ownership, and have shown what all you are willing to put up with in a matter of minutes. Furthermore, you’ve opened a door that allows ex to be the topic of conversations, when I thought you moved on…

Because I want us to all fall in love together, and live out our fairytales, here are some ways to healthy healing.

If you are asked about your ex say something positive then set a boundary. “I hope they are doing well, but since they are no longer a part of my life, I would appreciate not being asked about them”.

If you think about them, journal, again something positive…forcing yourself to hate them is only heavy for you. Think about a good memory, don’t center it around them but around how you felt. That way when memories associated with them are triggered, they are not the focus, nor is it something negative. This lets you keep your good memories and not have to pretend like amazing times in your life just didn’t exist.

What you focus on is what flows to you. Enough said.

Now take these tid bits, and here is to Happy Healthy Healing

–Your Turn

Cave

There are times where the weight of being alive is simply too heavy, and today is one of those days. So, I choose to write. To share this familiar feeling with my lovely readers, whom I hope will take what resonates most.

Somehow, I’ve crawled back into this cave of darkness. You know the one. The one full of writings on the wall that only spell out fear and doubt. The ones that scream enough is enough. The words that broadcast your failures as you try to take accountability. Ending up entombed in this web of dread. People often associate depression with this feeling of unmotivatedness, when in reality you want to do…but somehow you just can’t. Somehow daily tasks seem impossible, and today is not a day you can pretend to be alright.

For those who are in their own little cave, I am glad you are there. I know that sounds crazy, why would I want you to be trapped in a cycle that many are not strong enough to break. Well, in there, whether you like it or not, you are still here. Still able to try tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. Still able to fight through, still here to read the writings on the wall, and one day be strong enough to carve new ones. I’d rather you be like me, inching towards the light, fighting to escape the dark.

I am at my last cycle; I cannot be in this cave again. And with everything in me, I mean it. We live in a society where rock bottom looks like someone who is on their last leg. Maybe they have battled an addiction and lost everything, or maybe are going through divorce. But what about us? What about the mental battles of people who have so much to be grateful for, but our mind amplifies everything wrong. Amplifying a sound no one else can hear. As we look around, we still search for meaning, search for reasons to stay. Going through photos of our happiest times, surrounding ourselves with people we haven’t ruined relationships with, or simply just looking ok. Only to wake up one day and realize it is dark in here. Trying to retrace our steps…how did we end up back in the cave? When did I make a wrong turn?

As I find my strength to climb out, I offer you a rope to use when you are in yours. It’s ok in there, I know it’s scary, but it is safe. In there you cannot do irreversible damage. In there things can’t get worse. But remember nothing will get better. Take the time you need, gather your strength to pull yourself out. And the most important part, celebrate another win. This battle is yours, and every time you win you owe it to yourself to celebrate -every single time-. No one knows what it takes to fight a battle they can’t see, but by god you did it beautifully.

As for me, as soon as I am out my cave, I will leave it vacant. It is no longer a home for my soul, I am not strong enough to pull myself out again. I have taken my last look at darkness. If ever again I fall, I will ensure my soul finds peace.

-There is only darkness in the absence of light, Seven

My Mothers Child

Watching the sunrise and reading through my missed messages, I take a second to breathe. I meditated the other day and felt this sense of peace, so I decided it would become a part of my daily routine. My mother calls, and we begin to argue…well she speaks, and I try my hardest to remember this woman gave birth to me. For the newbies, my mother is an addict, and I just met her a few years ago (I am 30). A blog about my childhood adventures is in the works. So anyway, I remember she is my elder (although a stranger). Maintaining respect is not for her, but my own dignity.

My mom has this cycle of self-destruction, she will get on her feet, do well, start drinking and doing drugs again, fall flat, then expect everyone else to fix it and play victim. As If her ability to inhale drugs like they are healthy treats is not the sole cause for everything bad in her, and her children’s lives. Then like a ton of bricks… I realized; I am my mother’s daughter…

Not in a drugs are healthy or drink myself to death type of way…but I did do some research. Not only are those born with drugs and alcohol in their system different cognitively (me and my siblings), but the way drugs and alcohol effect their brain is different as well. Allowing for black outs far quicker than the average person, and said offspring are almost twice as likely to be addicted to mood altering substances. Scary right…But on to the point…

I have been the self-sabotage queen of life. Subconsciously of course. During my childhood I stayed in houses for unwanted children, running away from abuse as soon as I got old enough, and even trying to save others from abuse. Kidnapped during my time in the streets, and literally everything else in between. (Don’t worry, the series is coming soon). So, with this repetitive cycle of things going bad, moving, starting over, things going bad, moving, starting over etc. I think it has somehow embedded itself into my psyche. Somehow making me think this was the norm, this was life. We often overlook cognitive issues or feel they are excuses because we simply can’t seem them. But trust me, as I enter my fourth year of sciences, subconscious patterns are very real. And will destroy you without so much as a warning.

Have you ever heard the saying “you go through things over and over until you learn your lesson”? What if I told you that is your very own self-destructive pattern and until you realize it, you will keep repeating the same mistakes you don’t even realize you are making. I promised myself my 30’s would be the best years of my life. You owe it to yourself to reflect, take accountability, talk to someone, and move on with your life. I’ve hurt people out of fear of being unwanted, walked away from friendships, checking out of relationships, just because I assumed it would be over soon. Trying to hurt them before I was hurt, I wanted to control when things were over, because mentally, I am always prepared for them to be. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always knowing this is too good to be true.

What if I told you, the life you deserve is on the other side of those unprocessed issues? That conversation you avoid is the one that can change your life. That accountability for putting yourself in messed up situations over and over is the door to peace. It’s not everyone else’s fault, it’s not your zodiac, it’s not your shitty childhood. It’s the refusal to leave the pity party because the weight of your mistakes is too heavy. It’s easier to sit in pity, to sit in woe is me, than to carry the weight of this is my fault. But trust me, when you make it to the other side the life you always dreamed of will be right there. Shedding the weight of destructive patterns, understanding where they come from, and living the life you deserve will be worth the freedom in the end. Now this will not be easy, no walk in the park, taking accountability without being able to blame others is no easy task (Trust me). But, when you feel light, and free, it will all have been worth it. Also, you’d be surprised at how openness is appreciated. Shocked at how many people will love you enough to stick around to enjoy the better version of you. The healed version. Think about the people you deserve in your life and go get them. Do the work, albeit the most difficult journey of your life. Walk in your truth, and I will meet you on the other side.

~Seven

Future-tense

As I sit here alone and cold, I can’t help but think about the things I truly desire in life. As I sit without the bare necessities, I can’t help but to discover, I am a simple woman, who desires the finer things. For example, I love hand crafted cards, and well thought out gifts. However, my partner and child (one day) will run down the main staircase to greet me after a long day’s work. I will ask what’s for dinner as the housekeeper takes my jacket. Simple woman, with finer things.

But then, like my anxiety ridden brain does, I begin to over think. What if I am not on the path that leads me to those things? Am I making the best choices now that will lead to that future? Who is the face of my partner? Have I met them? Is the child one I carried, or did I adopt? Am I so focused on where I want to be that I am just forcing things to work with those in my life? Am I scared I will be alone forever, or am I self-sabotaging because I’ve never had love and am too afraid to lose it?

As my blog following grows and you continue to comment, I want to hear from you. Usually, I end with some message making this all make sense. Yet here…alone in the cold…I want you to help living on this floating rock make sense.

To those in love, how did you know without a doubt that you were safe there? How did you know this is where my soul belongs? How did you know this soul tie was the one where all your dreams could be reality? Where there arguments so bad you didn’t know if you would make it? I feel my heart breaking as I type unsure if the one, I am connected to is my future, with no history of what love looks like, I know how I want to feel, every day without a doubt, even on bad days.

To those like me, chasing their dreams. Everyday do your choices reflect the life you want. Everyday are you actively making decisions where the outcome will lead to your fantasies. Do you sacrifice to get to the finish line? Or do you live daily and just say it will work itself out. How do you deal with the anxiety of unsureness? Unsure if this choice will alter your future. Wondering if one decision, one tiny wave will ripple down and effect what’s to come.

The times I am alone are either peaceful, or a reminder of me sitting alone in my childhood. Crying because just like then, I’ve always just wanted a family to call my own. Just wanted one person to feel safe with. What I’ve lacked in adolescence I crave as an adult. And I want everything to be mine. Working tirelessly to never be without, I can’t help but wonder. Am I on the right path…

-Seven

Strength

Insomnia got the best of me a couple nights ago. So naturally I started to think of random things -the usual-serial killers, what’s it like being a surgeon, what if I was fish, etc. Then I said to myself “I’m 30”. I told myself I was not bringing my unhealed traumas into a new decade, forgiving myself for every time I didn’t love me, as well as forgiving those who harmed me. Before I knew it, tears were cascading down my cheeks. I didn’t know why I was crying, I’m chasing my dreams and my life is truly beautiful, then it hit me.

There is one trauma I can never escape, one thing I can never wash off. Rape. I sat up remembering the nightmares that wake me when I least expect it. The flashes as I walk down a street at night. And to be honest, I don’t cry for the little girl who lost her virginity in a dark alley. I cry because I’m sure he doesn’t even remember my face, know my name, and if he relives the experience, he gets some sick twisted joy.

I can’t help but wonder does he keep trophies of his victims, did he snatch my child like jewelry to have something to help him remember. Unlike most, my rapist is in prison for life (murder and multiple sex crimes). Justice, for once, was on the black women’s side. Any who, soon I dozed off, didn’t dream of him, and slept peacefully.

Which of course made me want to blog. I wanted to share how this thing that shaped my whole life still does. I am so tired of hearing healing from trauma means forgetting it. As if you can just erase things that shape who you are. Would I be this strong? Would I be an advocate for women? Would I be this passionate about helping others if I didn’t climb out the trenches. How dare anyone think you just move on.

You will never live without your trauma; no amount of time will go by and it will not randomly pop up. The most random things will trigger a memory, and you will need to cancel all plans and focus on your feelings. It’s ok. No, you don’t need to be over it, yes you need to notice how long it effects your routine. If it is too long, time to call for help. But those days you need to cry and say “This happened to me, I survived, I can’t believe I lived through that” will happen for the rest of your life. Find comfort in that. Find comfort in knowing that you can sit and think through it, see how it has made you be this force to be reckoned with. Notice how your trauma prepared you for your calling. You owe it to yourself to say, “Look at me now, look how strong I am, look how I uplift others and walk in my truth”.

Own your power, for the rest of your life

-Keep living, Seven

Misunderstood

I often think about when my time will be up in this realm. Not so much for what is next, but when I am gone will I finally be understood. If I could have one wish it would be, to be heard, to be seen. Not that I am overlooked, but too often am I misunderstood.

Have you ever tried to express something, and no matter what, the message was not clear? As if the words elude you even though you know exactly what you want to say. Then the message gets so lost you just give up. As that feeling of defeat rests in your throat.

Maybe you expressed yourself perfectly only for it to fall on deaf ears. Forcing you back into the shell of silence you spent years digging yourself out of.

I am slow in love, hell I am slow in talking, dating, making friends. But how do I look at someone in the eyes and tell them I survived years of abuse and need a little extra time. Extra time to open up, extra time to feel safe, to breathe. Why does the world move so fast anyway? How do I say that and not get pity, because my story is my strength and I am not some broken doll? Where is that perfect balance of “I hear you” and “I see you”.

How do you show the damage when it’s not visible? How do you say its beautiful in my world, just give me a little more time? In a world of instant gratification, its impossible.

Why is that people want the real you but end up hurting you anyway. Making you pull back all your layers, open up, only to add to the scars. Not realizing it was a straw that broke the camel’s back. We forget that something “small” can be the thing that finally pushes someone over the edge. Undoing years of effort.

There are a few people I hear in my head at my going home service. They would say “she changed my life”, “she forced me to grow”, “she was so passionate”. And you want to know the saddest thing, every one of them never understood me, never allowed me to be free in my own respect.

I needed to move at their speed, needed to do things this way, needed to look perfect, act perfect, be perfect, I need to be ready for love in months, needed to commit, needed to outdo the last person. I just needed to fit a mold.

I often feel like that movie “Get Out”, sitting in the back of this body trying to find me.

There is nothing wrong with my slowness, there is nothing wrong with my randomness, my hyperness first thing in the morning, my weird sense of humor, my messiness. There is nothing wrong with my passion, my free spirit, my need to push everyone I meet to live up to their full potential.

I want to be understood before It’s too late for me to feel how good It must feel. I want to know what It feels like to be valued in every aspect. Be so seen I don’t even have to explain. I want to feel safe enough to open up, to share, to show my view of the world without judgment or expectations. I want to have my tears wiped away without having to explain them. I want to be surrounded by people who see my intent is always pure. I want to make a lasting impression. I want to laugh through this life and make a difference before I run out of time.

I want to be Raquel in all her glory.

Know what you seek and chase it. If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?

-Seven

Don’t Go

Today I cried,

Well not me, my soul.

I’m not even sure what I needed to cry about, but I know I needed to feel the tears caress my cheeks, fall to my bosom, and wash away the stains on my heart.

Today I cried,

I’m not sure if it was for her,

The lost girl who hides deep in repressed memories,

Or if it was for me,

The woman who knows her undealt with baggage is causing the sea of emotions

Today I cried,

Because I needed to,

Or did I want to

Was my soul so tired that it needed to cleanse, and I had no choice.

Am I crying because my soul is tired of carrying around the heaviness of this fleshy vessel?

Is my spirit simply reminding me my conscious and subconscious are two different realties and I can only pretend so long before the two worlds collide?

Today I felt alone, I felt a chill as if my soul hated this realm, as if it was disappointed at what I put us through and wanted to pull us somewhere else

Somewhere better.

Am I crying because my soul knows another world and reaches for it,

Sad because we are here, stuck in longing.

Does my soul know a place without heartache, without hurt, without trauma, without me?

Maybe my soul has seen enough. Maybe my soul is ready to go.

Today my soul cried.

Falling out…

“I love you”. “I’ll always be here”. “I am not going anywhere”.

The promises we don’t want to break, wanting so bad to uphold our end of the deal, even when the other half seems to have backed out long ago.

In this series of love, it is only fair to touch the realness of falling out of love. I can only attempt to grasp the magnitude of ache this causes for marriages, long term couples, or those like me experiencing their first love and realizing this may be the first, but not the last. Although I have not joined the wives club, one thing we have in common, are the knots in our stomach as we realize, we may be falling out of love.

I guess you never realize it’s happening until you find yourself on the other side of longing. When you notice the tears have stopped and you are left rebuilding yourself, because the cries fell on deaf ears. Reassurance stopped coming, low was a constant state, and pushing through eventually becomes not enough. Let’s be real, falling out of love takes twice as long as falling in it. But hope can only carry us so far. Every time getting to the edge and being pulled back, over and over by something as simple as their smile. But how do you get to that final step. What is that last straw.

I fell it comes when the person you love is no longer recognizable. When you look at them and it seems to be a stranger standing there looking like the love of your life. A few reasons; For some life happens. Life gets so in the way that the person they love is in the back of the crowd waving flowers, dates, and memories. Their life gets so hetic you are left hoping, for one second, they’d look up and notice (you). Notice that life is better with someone strong enough to love you through it. For others it is mental, the mind is powerful and fragile, a small chemical imbalance and your person is completely different. While you try to comfort and whisper sweet nothings, the person who once was your entire world, has left your universe. Leaving you stranded, alone, and aching. For far too many, others just look more appealing. Whatever you don’t offer, it takes one person to give what you lack, and on a whim of destruction they are gone. Not realizing the one thing you lack, can never compare to all that you are. By far the heaviest of the bunch, would be a mix of all three. After all, bad things come in threes.

What does it feel like? What does it feel like to fall out of love, when the ride in was the time of your life? Slow and long are two words that jump to the front of my mind. When you find this could even be a possibility, you do everything to not believe it. Walking on eggshells, being fragile, and not wanting to speak up because you are afraid this could be the end of your forever. Anything to slow down the process. Searching for the person who had you head over heels, when now all you seem to do is get on their nerves. Trying to convince yourself “they love me” or “they just have a lot going on”. This slowness of coming to reality makes this a long process. Although once you’ve accepted it, things move pretty quickly. We all know that point of no return, it’s getting there that is the most unbelievable journey. Like Dorothy, she did all that to get to the wiz, when she had the answer right at her feet.

Now, you may be thinking, it sounds like the other person is already falling out of love. And that may be the case, but joining the party late is just as devastating as not getting an invite. Also, letting life, mental dysfunction, or other lovers, get in the way doesn’t mean they are no longer in love. It’s the lack of communication, the ability to allow someone to live in a false sense of hope while they know all along, they are going to pull the rug right from under your feet. Some stick around because of promises of things will go back to normal, some are just too invested to let go, and others would rather listen to their heart and not their head.

We often allow certain things to slide, when things unsaid are the loudest. You know when someone doesn’t love you anymore, you know when you are in love alone. But it’s human nature to “see it to believe it”. We stick around waiting for a hurt we can’t come back from, instead of taking the hints that have been laid out over time. Remember, this is no easy process. This is days of questioning yourself, your appearance, your intelligence. Wondering what you can do better and why wont the just love you.

When in “love” the chemistry of your brain changes, your body literally longs for the person. Falling out of love triggers the same areas as a person going through withdrawal. Love literally is a drug. If this is your current reality, I hope this brings you some comfort of there is a better tomorrow. Addicted to your person will make you act so out of character, make you low, and almost make you unrecognizable. Forgive yourself. Forgive each other. You did nothing wrong. You allowed yourself to get hooked on a drug that you thought would be a lifetime supply. Easier said than done, but there is a dealer on every corner.

All this to say, there is no easy path to falling out of love, it is no easy thing. The journey out is just as yielding as the journey in. Halfway through the journey your person can pull you off mid ride and there you are again hooked and happy. There is no amount of time that will go by and erase them, even the slightest scent will trigger a moment like it was yesterday. We tend to plan the future so rewriting it seems to be impossible. I am here to encourage you to not lose yourself on the way out. To not be so broken that you can’t put you back together. Don’t be so desperate that you’ve lost your dignity begging to be seen and loved. Only you have to live with what you see in the mirror. Go out with dignity, knowing you fought your hardest. “I’ll be damned if I don’t go down swinging”

–Seven

Love After…

The thing about love is you can’t help who you’ve fallen for.

Love after heartache.

At times you find yourself wondering will they do what it takes to get you back, while secretly hoping the answer is yes. Questioning your worth, and simultaneously wondering “why do I put up with this”

Love after heartache is the most trying time on any “ship” floating in the sea of love. You are tough on what you would never put up with, until the tears of “am I worth it” caress your cheeks night after night. Cascading into pillow puddles, and the only one who can fix it, is the source of the ache.

As I go through life and learn love, I realize anger has no place in the same room. The trying times of mistakes and apologies will never be obsolete, but the preparation for battle will determine the ability to come out together on the other side of the war.

Soldiers prepare for battle by packing bags of necessities and ammo to survive, carrying blueprints to the enemy camp, and going in strong knowing they will see their battle buddy on the other side. In love, the backpack is filled with memories, ammo of experiences, and everything you will need to survive the trying times. The blueprint is knowing the obstacles every “ship” will face, while the confidence of coming out the other side, is looking at your person and knowing without a shadow of doubt “you are for me”. There is no leaving, no other option. There is us, fighting, and winning the war. The anger is always towards the enemy, a united front with the same goals. As I learn in love, I realize anger has no place in the same room.

I was on a project that involved construction, and I can’t help but apply what I learned to my life experiences. My client wanted a store front, and we went in looking for a property close to what she wanted, around the same footage, location, etc. We began to scout and get quotes. To our surprise the cost of remodeling was almost as expensive as having something built. But she fell in love with a property that was sure to be a hefty remodeling project. I admired her for going after what she wanted, taking something so broken and putting in twice the effort, when starting new was an easier option. I learned two things from her, be strong enough to go after what you want. It may not look nice, but when you can visualize the outcome, that’s all that matters. In opposition, I also learned that starting new is closer than you think. I was sure the difference in pricing from an existing property to a brand new one would be so far off budget it would be laughable. But it was obtainable, doable if needed.

If I can use my life as motivation, I want to make these two points. When your soul is tied, make sure you are always on the same side. You will cry, you will fight (healthy fights), counseling is a good option, pay attention to how they make you feel, and fill your life with moments. Fight for your love, even after heartache. The future you visualize is all that matters. And two, be brave enough to leave. This is of course the last resort, as I am the spokesperson of fighting for real love, but “you can’t pour from an empty vessel”. If you are at a point of not even being able to pick yourself up, blaming yourself when you’ve done nothing, and finding yourself in a swarm of confusion. It may be time to realize that starting new is obtainable, doable if needed.

-Love After…